it's a very small step but i'm looking around on the sls wonen website, trying to figure out how it works? i hope i can be 'brave' enough to actually take some action instead of only thinking about it. urgh.

despite my whining, barista training is pretty fun! i'm growing to love 'plain' black coffee and omg you can get so much from just smelling and tasting coffee, it's pretty amazing. also fun fact: today i was able to focus on what our scottish instructor was saying instead of getting um, sidetracked. :'))) but i don't really stand out that much, don't think any of the instructors have actually remembered my name lolll and i'm way too self-conscious to speak up more. i should probably relax a little and not be too ~intimidated by them or something.

i have an exam tomorrow and i haven't really studied yet. FOCUS. D:

oh man unrequited love, what a fucking joke. to like someone and that person liking you back must be a wonderful thing, right? BECAUSE I WOULDN'T KNOW.

meanwhile, scottish accents are still delicious.

today i got an email about my barista training schedule and dress code, so i'm feeling a bit nervous because it's getting real right now. i just hope people will like me and not misunderstand me. just going to give it my best shot and see how it works out, i guess... i want people skills, damnit.

i saw new moon yesterday and sadly the highlight of the evening was not even the movie itself but the two women in our row suddenly fighting/arguing DURING the movie. shit was crazy. so yeah, the movie was not that great, i'm preeetty sure i was amused at all the wrong things. kristen stewart's lousy acting! robert pattinson's airbrushed abs! etc but yeah i had fun, so it's all good. did genuinely like the cinematograhy though, very pretty. ♥

someone stop me from reading even more cute ridiculous shoujo manga! it's not really helping my er, situation.

i couldn't sleep last night. i was up late making homework anyway but even after i was done i was still wide awake. professor made a comment about receiving homework in the middle of the night in class today. i'm preeetty sure she was talking about me. orz for some reason, i was too hyper or something. :x

oh haaaaay i got that job at starbucks. which means i'm going to be making money which means i'm very likely going to japan this summer. i've pretty much made up my mind~

( posting some pictures so i don't fall asleep )

omshiroi eigo time? i can't get this word 'botch' out of my head. it just sounds so funny... thank you professor layton, for bringing that word into my vocabulary. :')

this song is so pretty.

had a job interview at starbucks yesterday, i hope i get it! :3 edit: holy shit that was fast, just got invited for a second interview. also i'm sort of taking a break from university, still going to keep following a few classes but other than that... (yes i am lazy/demotivated)

i'm playing too many video games lately. or hanging out on /v/ too much. or in vidya livestreams. this basically proves i have too much time on my hands. :')

i got myself a pair of those fake glasses them hipsters always wear but



...they make me look like a geek. i don't really mind though, hee.

my hair looks so fucked up, fml.

i love my otaclock but sometimes it totally seems to be judging meeee. his eyes actually follow your cursor around and jglk;asd i swear it's like 'ICU WHY ARE YOU SLACKING HMM' :<

also i got my hair cut but it sucks balls. she kept most of my length intact but she screwed up my bangs, i got what she was going for but it was executed so fukken poorly, gahhh. oh and this shit; 'ima try bring out your curls! :D' BITCH I DON'T HAVE CURLS. it's called fucked up wavy eurasian hair, ffs! so yeah not going back there ~ever. [/melodramatic]

i'm so cold lately... need a new wintercoat.

it's today basically and i've barely started. i'm classy like that. it's going to fail so hard even though it's relatively simple? BUT I SOLVED ALL THE MYSTERIES OF ST MYSTERE SO I WAS BUSY OK. sigh.



omg it's the bear jew ♥ eli roth and zachary quinto were totally removed at birth, i swearrrrr. :B i saw it a while back but i felt kind of tainted sitting next to my mom who literally couldn't bare to watch some scenes. i had to tell her when the violent parts were over, haha.

all my entries are the fucking saaaaame. aren't they. o well. :/

my dad's getting married in october. i honestly don't care all that much anymore, other than what on earth i'm going to wear and what kind of gift to buy. not looking forward to being treated like an outsider again though. on the other hand business as usual, right~

whenever i announce i'm going to do something about... stuff on my livejournal i always end up not doing it and/or it blows up in my face. since i'm tired of jinxing myself i'm not going to say anything. i wonder if i didn't already jinx it just now with being so ~vague about it '-.-

i don't know if it's good thing to find yourself caring less and less. i can't even bring myself to care much about caring less lol.

first real day of classes at university is over and i really missed all of my nagasaki buddies. i like most (hurrr) of my classmates but it's just not the saaaame without you guys. ;~;

i wish i could've just come out and said that playing teh vidya is one of my hobbies during convo class today. but that whole stupid stigma surrounding girls who play video games held me back. i should've just said so because now i still made a bad first impression by going OH UH MY HOBBIES ARE ER DURRRR.

so anyway i'm living at my bro's house now and it's surprisingly... okay. it's actually not that different from what i'm used to at home, just a different environment. that's how it feels to me anyway. his cat hasn't really gotten used to me yet though. XD

uni is starting up again and i'm feeling kinda nervous/scared. which is logical, for the most part but still... i don't have a clue what i'm supposed to do (and i already kinda screwed up because i'm too late with enrolling for a minor and maaaybe i can fix it) and and and. i just don't know anymoooore what the fuck i'm doing. ;-; it's also this whole thesis writing business that's throwing me off like whoa. sigh.

it'll be good for me to housesit my brother's apartment for 2 weeks, hopefully i can focus a little more on leading a life of my own without all these tensions/stress in this house holding me back. urgh.

ffffffffff why am i always so easily influenced by other people's choices. grmbl.

OH MAN DO YOU KNOW HOW SOMETIMES YOU JUST MISS HAVING HAIR?

that being said, have some, NAY, a lot of cuteness. :3



speaking of mr. depp i saw public enemies (which made me realize i can analyze movies now! sort of. orz) last week and my god johnny depp hasn't aged a day. also i found it amusing his character got called 'johnny' at times. durrrrr.

this is more or less a reminder for myself to keep my cool when i'm going to have dinner with my dad tomorrow. i can be civil towards him and stick to my principles at the same time... 'i was never able to get you to open up to me' um maybe that was because everytime i tried you hung up on me, shut me out. so i stopped trying.

speaking of phones! i'm not that nervous scared anymore of picking up the phone at work. so yeah i'm slowly getting over my phobia of phones? :'D but oh god, i'm already tired/chagrined from working this week while next week is going to be so much harder because my co-worker (omg her russian accent is so awesome to me for some reason XD) has 3 weeks of vacation. halp.

also halp because i'm afraid i might not be able to endure this all. yeah, i'm probably going to be all work and no play for a loooong time and i'm not sure i can handle that. i suck at being social out of my own accord. >:(

i'm going to start working tomorrow which i'm not really looking forward to because i want more days of doing nothing and relaxing~ the upside, i guess, is that will be getting sleep at more regular hours. and hopefully more decent too... i haven't had a decent night of sleep since forever. DX

ugh i donut function well in summer.

GODDAMNIT

ways in which i DO NOT WANT to wake up
-with porn
-with CUSTARD ICECUBES WTF
-in a hot stuffy room

why hello there summer. >:(

edit: oh hayyyy this character's names can totally be linked back to my first names. gleee. :'D

i hate that feeling when your mind just doesn't want to calm down and keeps on running around? this is just a silly way of me saying i can't or won't sleep. it's not that big a deal because free time etc but tomorrow being sleep-deprived is not a good idea and yeah i'm nervous.

ANYWAY.

feeling jealous for stupid, useless, completely unneccessary reasons is so goddamn annoying. and it's actually not about what most of you think~ yes i know it's only because of my own insecurity probably BUT it just seems so unfair. on the other hand, i probably get what i deserve? pffff. D:

fuck this shit. going to sleep is probably just as frustrating as staying awake right now. or not because from sleep you like actually gain something whereas staying awake is only making me more and more frustrated. sigh.

reminding myself why i want to grow out my hair~ i've tried this one myself but my hair needs to be longer/thicker for a better effect. all of her hair tutorials are great for cute (long) hair styles. :)

so stressed out. my stomach is all in knots and stuff, blabla. and SOMEONE STOLE MY SUNGLASSES. no they're just being held hostage. :[ i'm so addicted to ragnarok online and i need my fix but i won't give in. study study study.

my room looks like a PAPER BOMB went off in it. there's paper strewn all over the fucking place. AAAAAARGH. is this the digital age (lulz)? I DONUT THINK SO. wow CAPITALIZATION

oh i just realized that 'paper bomb' can be taken two ways. like actual paper and like research paper paper. and both are sort of true. there's a paper bomb ticking away in my head, at least. one for sunday midnight and one for monday. i am so so screwed. but what else is new. :D

lol this journal is so very appropiately named papermelody! aren't like, 60% of my entries about them? derp. when this is all over i'll post more amusing/interesting stuff. i hope.

( SURVEY )

this post doesn't make any sense. :'(

i had to reformat my ipod because and i renamed it iRage. stupid thing! D:<

omg why can't most girls be close friends with guys without 'feelings' interfering? i suppose it's a matter of drawing the line somewhere and keep yourself to it. urgh, that's poorly phrased but you know what i mean.


it's maru! this one's kinda long but it's definitely worth your time. just too goshdarn cute~ ;3